Fowl Play Read online

  Damn it. I firmed my grip on Kenneth’s phone and dialed Mom’s number as I still couldn’t accept Ma conjuring a phone at her whim.

  “Baby girl, why are you calling me already? Also, you left the chain on the lawn. You’re supposed to use the chain to catch yourself a man. Have you had any luck catching yourself a man? You need to get laid.”

  “Mom!” I wailed. “That’s not funny. And you knew I was going on a plane. I can’t take a chain on the plane for man-catching purposes. Will you be serious? I need you to put Ma on the phone.”

  “Why didn’t you call her phone?”

  “I hate when she does that hand waving summon her phone thing. It creeps me out.”

  “Baby, you’re an idiot. How would you even know? She would’ve done it before she answered.”

  Mom had a point, which supported Kenneth’s belief I was nervous. I preferred thinking of myself as appropriately rattled. “There’s a woman’s body in the swimming pool at the resort, and a friend and I found her. The cops will think we did it, and I don’t want to be arrested for something I didn’t even do.” A whine slipped out, and I grimaced.

  “That’s different. Your trip’s going to the birds real quick, isn’t it?”

  “Just a bit. Before I found the body, it’d only been a disaster. Now it’s an unmitigated disaster.”

  “Well, hold onto your panties. I’ll go get your ma.”

  “Thanks.”

  It didn’t take long for Ma to come on the line. “Your mom says you found a body, Emma?”

  I wondered what it said about my life that an angel calling me by my name counted as some much needed normality. “Yeah. She’s floating in the pool. I wanted to know if you’d come to the resort and convince the police officers I didn’t kill her.” A soft pop announced Ma’s arrival, and I hung up, offering the phone back to Kenneth. One day, I’d ask how she figured out how to teleport to a place she’d never been before. “Thanks, Ma.”

  “It appears I should’ve brought the chain with me,” Ma replied. She held out her hand and Mom’s phone popped out of existence. “I really need to stop taking Louisa’s phone with me when I go. It’s such a bad habit. Remind me to get her a bottle of wine on the way home. That should keep her quiet for five minutes.”

  “No chains,” I begged. “Please. I’ve had a bad enough day.”

  “Beyond the body, what’s wrong? And yes, there’s no way you were responsible for the body. She’s been there for at least an hour. I peeked. The mortals will have to do the rest of the investigating work on their own.”

  “They double booked my room.”

  “That’s annoying.”

  “And the hotel is full.”

  “That’s even more annoying. What are you doing now?” Ma asked, and the amusement in her tone implied she’d done more than peek at the woman’s body in the past.

  “Agent Bernard offered a room in his suite for the retreat so I wouldn’t have to drive to some slum hotel in Boulder every day.”

  “You’re the sex on a stick who arrested her when Louisa nipped the high-grade pixie dust and convinced Emma here to snort it like a hooligan?”

  I groaned, bowed my head, and wished I’d inherited Ma’s ability to disappear. What had I done to deserve Ma at her worst?

  “Yes, ma’am. I am.”

  I couldn’t tell which part he was confirming. Did he view himself as sex on a stick? I couldn’t say he was wrong, but if he did, I’d have to pop his ego bubble a little. “Please, Ma,” I begged.

  “He’s single, in case you were wondering. He’s also clean of any of those annoying illnesses humans get. Don’t forget to show him your cute little card if you decide you’re ready to settle down. He has a stable job, he’s up for a promotion soon, and he’s in a good position to take care of a cranky, pregnant lycanthrope.”

  Was avoiding arrest worth the price I’d pay avoiding arrest? My face burned. “Ma!”

  “Emma, you’re not a little girl anymore. I’m going to have to have a talk with Louisa, or we’re never going to be able to get rid of you. Fly from the roost, you ground-bound chick.”

  “Chick?” I worried about the curiosity in Kenneth’s tone.

  “Chick. That’s what you call a baby swan, and that’s what my little girl here is. She’s still in her baby down. I’m sure she’ll get around to feathering out and leave the nest one of these days.”

  Kenneth’s brows rose. “You’re not a wolf?”

  “Ma, please,” I whispered.

  “The boy needs to know what he’s getting into. Trust me. Logically, I’d known your father was a swan, but I hadn’t anticipated how troublesome swans are. He has an entire flock of baby chickens right now because we are not adding another swan to the mix until our first one fledges. You can handle a swan, Kenneth. Take her. Please. I’ll pay you handsomely.”

  “This must be the dowry offer I’ve read about in history books.”

  Did the woman in the pool want company? What was an extra body? It wouldn’t take long for me to drown, but I’d sink rather than float. Maybe they’d leave me long enough to float, too?

  Ma placed her hand on my head. “No.”

  “Was that a no to the dowry?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. No, it wasn’t. Emma was thinking childish thoughts again, so I thought I’d nip that in the bud. A dowry would be arranged upon your acceptance of our daughter, I assure you. We’d modernize it, as a herd of goats or horses wouldn’t be particularly useful to a modern man like yourself, but it’ll be appropriate for a young couple starting a family.”

  “Selling your child is illegal, Ma.”

  “I’m not selling you. I’m merely greasing the wheels so this strapping man won’t resist quite as much when you give him your card. Consider it a compensation package for the week or two of effort he’ll have to put in to secure his status and earn your dowry.”

  Why, why, why couldn’t I kill angels? “Ma!”

  “You wouldn’t kill your ma, Emma. Why are you so embarrassed? Where did we go wrong with you?”

  “Why do you think you went wrong with me? That’s not even fair.”

  “Most women lose their virginity by twenty-one. You’re a bit behind the curve. You could test the waters for the entire week and be able to change your mind unless your virus finally gets around to maturing. You’re behind the curve there, too.”

  Kenneth’s mouth dropped open, but before he had a chance to say anything, the door behind us banged open and several police officers hurried inside with several hotel staff in tow. “We got a call there was a body?” the older man leading the line asked.

  He reminded me of a much older version of Dad, already tired of the shit he had to deal with after being at work for an hour.

  We pointed at the pool.

  “Officer, I’d like to simplify matters for you some and verify the alibis of these two, as they found the body and the police have an unfortunate tendency to automatically blame the discoverers for the crime. While that does happen, this is not the case. Children, do tell them where you were.”

  “Well, four and a half hours ago, approximately, we were in New York waiting for our flight to come here,” I said, grateful the conversation about my shortcomings and lack of a relationship with Kenneth would be delayed. “After we arrived at the airport, we checked in. My room was double booked, so Kenneth offered me the second bedroom in his suite, which I accepted. We’re both here to attend a retreat this week. Anyway, we went upstairs, agreed we wanted to go swimming, and came down to the pool. I spotted her after we came inside. That’s when Kenneth called.”

  “She’s telling the truth,” Ma confirmed.

  “And neither of you know this woman?” the cop asked. “You touched nothing?”

  “We walked in and stopped after I spotted her. I don’t know if I know her. We can’t see her face, sir.”

  “She’s telling the truth.”

  “It’s the same on my end of things. I don’t know if I know her, as I
can’t see her face. I’m in the FBI, but my badge is upstairs if you need it for your records.”

  The cops focused on Kenneth, looking him over.

  “Yeah, it surprised me, too,” I muttered.

  Kenneth shot a glare at me.

  “What? You don’t look like a cop, an FBI agent, or anything like that. I could buy firefighter with a little convincing.” I shrugged and held my hands up in surrender. “Just telling the truth here.”

  “That she is. Try to be a little more polite, Emma.”

  “You’re the one trying to marry me off to him. I don’t have to be polite.”

  “It would be nice if you were polite for the moment. You may indulge in your typical rebellion after we speak to the nice police officers.”

  The cops returned to scrutinizing me. “Do you know each other, miss?”

  I sighed. “She’s one of my mothers.”

  “That’s convenient for you.”

  I yanked my hair. “What the bloody hell is convenient about having an angel for a mother? Are you mad? I bet you could lie to your parents. Oh, no. Not in my house, sir. Never in—”

  Kenneth placed his hand over my mouth. “I’m sorry. She’s had a very stressful day, and I doubt she’s seen a body before.”

  Ma chuckled, and as always, her laughter soothed. “I’d be offended, but it’s true. She gets away with exactly nothing in our household. If you’d like a double verification, I can send for another angel, but I’d like to remind you I am an angel, and angels cannot lie.”

  The cop waved his hand. “This simplifies things for us. We’ll need your contact information for additional questioning, but if an angel is confirming you know nothing, you know nothing.”

  “We know nothing. I suppose we might if we recognize the victim,” Kenneth replied.

  “Take pictures and get her out,” the cop ordered. “Get forensics here sometime today!”

  One of the cops stripped off all his electronics, ditched his pants and vest, and jumped into the water, wading to the woman and pulling her towards the edge. The other two helped grab her under the arms and pull her onto the tiles.

  Relief surged through me.

  I didn’t know her.

  “Never seen her in my life,” Kenneth reported.

  “I’ve never seen her before, either.”

  “Both speak the truth,” Ma confirmed.

  “All right. Give me your contact information, and if we have any other questions, we’ll give you a call.”

  We gave him our phone numbers, addresses, and itinerary for the next week before he gave us permission to leave. I almost made it to the doors before Ma caught up, linked her arm with mine, and prevented my escape. “Where do you think you’re going, little chick?”

  “I’m going to bed so I can hide under the covers for the rest of my life.”

  Ma sighed. “You were trouble from the day you were born.”

  “Would you like to see our room, ma’am?” Kenneth said, holding the door open so we could escape the pool and the police working to solve the mystery of the woman’s death.

  “I’d love to. Thank you. See, Emma? That wasn’t hard, was it?”

  No matter what I said, I lost somehow. “He’s politer than I am. I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve had a hard day,” Ma murmured, releasing my arm to rub my back. “After I see you to your room, I’ll head home and tell the others what happened.”

  I assumed she’d tell them in the worst way possible, ensuring they’d come to Boulder themselves for the duration of my retreat. Accepting inevitable defeat, I sighed and said, “Thank you.”

  “We’re not that bad, you know.”

  I wished my ma had a head so I could look her in the eyes. “Yes, you are.”

  “So cruel. And to think I helped bring you into the world. Don’t you love your ma?”

  “On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Mom gets Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and I hate you both equally on Sundays.”

  “You cheeky little liar.”

  Kenneth elbowed me. “I thought you said angels hated when people lie to them.”

  “I’m telling her I love her in an unconventional manner. That’s all right. Angels understand sarcasm. Usually.”

  “I see the rules are not as simple as I believed.”

  “The rules are never simple when angels are involved.”

  “That’s the honest truth. It’s no fun if you warn him about everything.”

  “He saved me from having to call you to pay for a rental and a hotel room for a week. He’s getting every single warning I can think of, so when I have to pay up and introduce him to Mom and Dad, he survives.”

  “You’re introducing him properly?”

  “He seems interested in seeing just how chaotic our house can be around dinner time. Since he spared me from checking into a different hotel and having to beg you for money, I’m going to humor him.”

  Ma reached over and patted Kenneth’s head. “I wish you the best of luck. You’re going to need it. Please give some thought about anything you’d like in the dowry. I suspect you’ll earn every gift we offer you for dealing with her. She’s a chip off her father’s block.”

  Instead of visiting our room as she’d threatened, Ma disappeared. I narrowed my eyes, as she hadn’t vanished with her customary flash of light. “Ma, I know you’re still there. Stop being an asshole.”

  Ma huffed, and moved to stand behind me. “I was only going to sneak into your room and check his intentions. That’s important.”

  “Or you could just ask him what his intentions are and spare me from your lunacy.”

  “Fine. What are your intentions, you?”

  “Ma!”

  “What?”

  “He has a name.”

  “I know.”

  “You should use his name.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  Why did Ma always have to test my patience? “You don’t have to answer her, Kenneth.”

  “I intend on figuring out something for dinner and discovering how nice a jet tub feels after a rather soured afternoon. I may or may not order a bottle or two of wine and indulge before I bloody my feet tomorrow in what will likely be a very damaging day for my pride and ego.”

  “And your intentions with my daughter?”

  “You’re the one who wants to pay me to take her off your hands. Why are you asking me this?”

  “Ugh. He’s just as bad as your father.” Ma vanished in a flash of silver, which meant only one thing: she’d returned to the heavens to stir trouble because she could.

  “You have a very strange family, jail bird. I think you need some wine even more than I do. Shall we?”

  “Why the hell not?”

  Chapter Five

  As we’d both gotten ready to swim, we decided to share the communal tub along with a bottle of red wine. Kenneth brought the room service menu, and we dedicated most of our attention to the serious problem of dinner rather than focus on the reason we weren’t swimming and unwinding before the retreat officially began.

  “Did you know they’re doing a full-week partner assignment?” Kenneth asked, setting aside the leather-bound menu in favor of his wine. “There’s going to be pissy partners.”

  I laughed, grabbed my wine glass, and saluted him with it. “Best news I’ve heard today. I don’t care; I don’t usually have a partner, so I’m used to working with anyone I’m assigned. Some really don’t work well with new people, and it’s hilarious watching them meltdown because they aren’t sure how to work with someone else. It’ll make them better dancers if they can get over themselves.”

  “It’s more unusual you don’t have a partner. Don’t you work for the same theatre all the time?”

  “I’m a floater. I fill in for any woman on any team, so I have to know all the routines for all the active performances in case someone is sick or injured. I’m paid to show up, learn the routines, and perform if necessary.”

  “Wouldn’t you
make more if you weren’t a floater?”

  I shrugged. “Sure, I suppose. The theater came up with the idea after they had to cancel a show because of a missing dancer. So, they hired a few versatile dancers who could learn a routine quickly. I’m one of them. I work full time and coordinate with all the troupes who perform at the theater, making sure we have enough backup dancers ready if they need us.”

  “You do management work along with dancing?”

  “I’d consider it more coordination than management. It keeps me busy when I’m not in the lineup to dance. I also help backstage if I’m not performing.”

  “I guess it’s hard having the virus without it being mature, isn’t it? A lot of companies refuse to employ lycanthropes. I expect the laws will change eventually to prevent discrimination, but it’ll be hard in certain fields.”

  I snorted. “I can understand why. Putting lycanthropes in fields where they can be easily provoked could shoot the infection rate up. Some fields just aren’t good for lycanthropes. What pisses me off is we’re considered dumber than the uninfected. Being able to shift into an animal doesn’t mean we’re animals in the intellect department.”

  “There are plenty of smart lycanthropes within the FBI. Most of the ones who go out into the field have the hybrid form, however.”

  “I never understood that. Why would you put the lycanthropes most likely to be able to infect someone closest to the public? The hybrid form doesn’t grant better control.”

  “Does your father have the hybrid form?”

  I took another drink of my wine and wondered how to answer him. The truth made me look like a bad daughter, but it was the only answer I could realistically give him. “I don’t know. I haven’t asked. My virus isn’t mature enough for me to shift, so it hasn’t been a priority for me. If I ever shift, I’ll worry about if I’ll have the hybrid form then.”

  “That makes sense. As it seems I’ve found uncomfortable territory, would you prefer room service tonight or would you like to go out for dinner? There are a few good restaurants within a few miles from here, and the resort has a restaurant.”

  “Let’s try the restaurant. I don’t get to go out too often, and once the retreat starts, we’re going to be subjected to whatever they think is healthy for us,” I replied, swirling my wine in the glass before taking another sip. “If we go to the restaurant, we can spread out the wine. Nothing sucks more than trying to dance with a hangover.”